We asked some of our favorite relationship writers for their advice on what you should wear, where you should go and which first-date faux pas you really should avoid. No need to thank us when you score that second date.
DON’T get ahead of yourself.
DON’T get ahead of yourself.
It’s OK to get excited before you go out with someone new, but stay realistic. As pessimistic as this sounds, if your expectations are low, then a good date will be a welcome surprise and a bad date will be no biggie. —DearSugar
DO be open to unexpected date ideas.
A homemade meal, PBR and Guitar Hero might be a better way to get to know each other than the standard restaurant and a movie. Plus, are you really going to ask someone to take you out for filets, cocktails and the theater in this economy? —Tom Miller, Tango’s Daily Dish
DON’T go somewhere overflowing with eye candy.
DON’T go somewhere overflowing with eye candy.
A while ago I took a girl out to brunch at a restaurant that is always brimming with beautiful hipsters. Naturally, there was a Kate Hudson look-alike sitting behind my date, right in my line of vision. Even worse, she was wearing this crazy low-cut dress, and when she leaned forward I could see her entire breast—maintaining eye contact has never been more of a struggle. —Ryan Dodge, Single-ish
DO wear flats.
DO wear sexy underwear.DO wear flats.
Although heels can be super sexy, you never know where a first date will lead you. I’ve been on first dates that ended with a lovely walk around town (hello, blisters!) or a visit to a neighborhood playground (tripping all over myself!). Flats will let you feel open to anything the night may bring. —Joanna Goddard, Smitten
Even if you don’t shed your clothes, your non-Hanes undies will give you confidence. Plus, if you do end up stripping down to your skivvies, you DON’T want to end up wearing granny panties a la Bridget Jones. —Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson, authors of Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have to Do It Anyway)
DO bring dental supplies with you.
I once ordered a shredded beef burrito and there was a string of meat stuck in my teeth. I would’ve excused myself to the bathroom to fix it, but I hadn’t brought my floss with me. So I sat there, not listening to him and going crazy. Now I bring mints, gum, spray, floss—everything. Seriously. Besides, you never know if you’ll want to make out. —Erin Meanley, Single-ish
DO call a friend for a pep talk.
DO call a friend for a pep talk.
If you’re suffering from first-date jitters, ring a friend for a few words of encouragement before you meet the guy. Before my first dates, you’d always find me in a cab on the phone with my mom, with her telling me the guy would be crazy not to adore me. Even though she had to say that (she is my mom), a few positive words made me walk into my date with confidence. —Joanna Goddard, Smitten
DON’T wear anything too sexy over the underwear.
DON’T wear anything too sexy over the underwear.
You are not going to a club on a first date—we hope! So don’t dress in a way that inspires him to grind against you to Rihanna’s newest song. —Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson, authors of Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have to Do It Anyway)
DO Facebook him.
DO Facebook him.
Try not to confuse what he tells you and what you read about him. If you run out of things to talk about, maybe mention a YouTube video that he has on his page. —Tom Miller, Tango’s Daily Dish
But DON’T let him know you’ve been Google-stalking him all week.
But DON’T let him know you’ve been Google-stalking him all week.
Look, we know that you’ve been investigating this guy online since you learned his last name. (We don’t blame you, and chances are he’s done the same to you.) But if you start in on his alma mater, favorite bands and how his hair looked in 2004 (that was found thanks to your mad skills at image searching), you are going to creep him out. Big-time. —Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson, authors of Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have to Do It Anyway)
DON’T drink and date.
One glass of wine is fine. Two or more could lead to sudden, instant and otherwise immediate death of a potential relationship. My friend Katherine is a smart and beautiful girl, but whenever she has a few drinks, she starts swearing like a sailor. If she were not a little tipsy, she would never talk so trashy. Guys are instantly turned off by her behavior, and she often wonders why first dates never turn into seconds. —Jess McCann, author of You Lost Him at Hello
DO have a positive attitude.
I tried to plan a really neat first date—something different. So I pick her up, and it’s cold out, and the restaurant I was going to take her to is closed. We’re in an abandoned area, and it’s cold; I’m not looking so good right now. Finally we find a place to eat, except the menu is all in Korean. We point to something and what comes out tastes like rubber chicken. Then, when we get to the bowling alley, it seems like we’re the only non-gang members there. But it was an amazing date because she was cool. Her positive attitude dictated how the date would go. —Evan Marc Katz, dating coach and author of Why You’re Still Single
DO order a big-girl meal.
DO order a big-girl meal.
Do you really think a puny salad will hold you over all night? —The Frisky
DON’T question his height.
DON’T question his height.
If he’s 5’10” on his driver’s license, and in his heart, suspend your disbelief. Feel free to store it for something to make fun of later. —Tom Miller, Tango’s Daily Dish
DO act interested in what he is saying.
DO act interested in what he is saying.
No one wants to go on a first date with the human equivalent of a dead-fish handshake. If you don’t like where the date is headed, end it early. But if you are tired, hung over or depressed about the economic apocalypse, don’t let it affect your time together. Talk. Ask questions. Make eye contact. —Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson, authors of Dating Makes You Want to Die (But You Have to Do It Anyway)
DON’T turn your dates into therapy sessions.
My friend Isabel just had the worst year of her life: She had foreclosed on her house and was in serious debt. Whenever she was out with a guy, she would unload all her frustrations right on his plate! No one wants to hear you ramble on about your sick cat, annoying boss or stalker ex-boyfriend. If she was hoping for a second date, Isabel should’ve asked more questions and done more listening than talking. —Jess McCann, author of You Lost Him at Hello
On that note, DON’T psychoanalyze your date.
DON’T turn your dates into therapy sessions.
My friend Isabel just had the worst year of her life: She had foreclosed on her house and was in serious debt. Whenever she was out with a guy, she would unload all her frustrations right on his plate! No one wants to hear you ramble on about your sick cat, annoying boss or stalker ex-boyfriend. If she was hoping for a second date, Isabel should’ve asked more questions and done more listening than talking. —Jess McCann, author of You Lost Him at Hello
On that note, DON’T psychoanalyze your date.
A guy once got all Freud on me and asked me if I had trouble getting close to men because of my relationship with my father. Totally inappropriate, considering we’d just met. —The Frisky
But DON’T get too personal.
But DON’T get too personal.
One woman on our message boards reminisced about a guy who asked her how many kids she wanted. “I’m hoping for at least one little girl,” he added. Sweet…yet a tad premature. Another woman wanted to know if it was normal that a guy asked her about her credit score and credit limit. Yeah, not normal. —Josey Miller, iVillage’s Sex on My Desk
DON’T talk about your ex.
DON’T talk about your ex.
No good can come of this! You’ll seem either bitter, heartless or still hung-up—and any one of these is a huge turnoff. —Em and Lo, Daily Bedpost
No, really, DON’T talk about your ex.
No, really, DON’T talk about your ex.
“Hypotheticals” that start with “would you” or “can you believe” are transparent and indicate that your head is somewhere else. So DON’T ask your date, “Would you ever, I mean ever, skip someone’s cousin’s wedding to go to some Final Four game?” —Tom Miller, Tango’s Daily Dish
DO discuss issues that are important to you.
DO discuss issues that are important to you.
Why wait to find out that the two of you don’t see eye to eye on something you feel passionately about? —The Frisky
DON’T talk about sex.
DON’T talk about sex.
Unless you’re planning on having sex on the first date, in which case you should definitely talk about your sexual history. But if not, it’s nice to leave a little something to the imagination—and to save something for the second date. —Em and Lo, Daily Bedpost
DON’T let him take you to a second location if you don’t like him.
DON’T let him take you to a second location if you don’t like him.
Too often, I politely follow the guy to another bar, and another, when really I just want to go home and read. It’s better for both of you if you just speak up. —Erin Meanley, Single-ish
DON’T try to add him as a Facebook friend after the first date.
DON’T try to add him as a Facebook friend after the first date.
It will just freak him out and make him feel like you’re trying to snoop on him (which of course you are…but that’s what Google is for!). —Em and Lo, Daily Bedpost
DO break the dating rules.
DO break the dating rules.
If you want to call him, call—he’ll appreciate it. If you want to make the first move, do it—why not! —DearSugar